Superman please help me!!

Lately alot of thing happens.. having problems at work.. family problems... health problems..and now have to moved again.. because of the housemate wanna to move, they concern about the fengsui problem.. and the main reason is away from one of the housemate.. one of my housemate (karen) which is a very nice person.. the best housemate i could never find.. another one.... ... ... she is quite kepoh and like to perli people.. and worst is spread out the thing that i told her.. so she is like a astro... she is work in the same company as me.. so this is very bad.. im very stress at work and need to have someone to talk to.. but unfortunally i got an astra housemate.. so i only can tell karen when she is not around.. or i lock myself inside the room and cry... superman please kick away the problem.. i haven found a plave to move.. and even i already found 1.. there is no garranty that my housemate is a nice and can easy get along with.. for the things that happen at work.. i only can stay quiet and do my own work.. and hopefully everything going well .......

Superman please help me!!

Lie

lie.. not very long time ago i had lied to my friends.. and things become worst now..

i falled in love with somebody beyond my control.. he is my dear colleague and also like my brother.. something happen and bring us together.. omg.. well i lied because we are from the same company and also same department.. they surely ll said something bad about this, and since our relationship is just started so i suggest him not to tell anyone and act like normal..

one of them like me as well.. so this situation remind me of old days when the good friends become enemy because of me.. i scare this ll happen again so these support me to keep on lying..

but the things that i do not wish to happen.. happened...

the changes between me and him changed.. last time he always bully me but now he change me nicely.. people around us notice.. they ask several times.. but i insist not to admit.. but i know they ll figure it out some day.. my bf ask me not to hide it anymore cause its very difficult to hide it all the time.. and i agree.. v hint them sometimes.. but im not brave enough to admit as i know when i admit sure ll have alot of changes.. they keep forcing him to admit then, he did not have the courage to admit as well... seeing him struggling finally i give up.. i admit our relationship..

since the day that i admit.. that guy starting to do strange stuff.. first never talk with us and away from us.. saying this is his own way of therapy.. ok we accept tat.. he's very moody ever since that day.. one day i met him at msn.. and tell him not to do that .. i know this is his hard time.. but please.. u keep ignoring us, its hard to back to good friends again..

then the next day i seeing that he started to talk to me again.. and im happy thought this day is over.. but i was wrong someone had said something to make thing worst.. the so call FG guy..

now watever they said there is double meaning in it.. and they try to build their own gang by tried to do the same thing to my colleague.. luckily my friends dint trick by them.. he know that they are really childish.. he can see that we ignore to the bad things that they say to us but they keep going on to challedging our patient.. i really cannot tahan when they bully my bf..

what are they tring to do.. hoping me and him break off??

what ll they get.. i think and think wat did i do? why they turn like this..

friends......i thought they suppose to support and respect us.. this relatioship thing is between me and my bf problems.. we do not need to report to anyone.. are they very happy when they do like that?? perli very day.. saying mean stuff... trying to make us angry and scold them in front of the friend? then let other people think that we are the bad guys??

but this wont effect the relationship between me and him..

The next few hours

Well think at the positive side.. It’s not that bad.. after mental therapy, I’m feeling very much better.. I was too negative thinking.. When I was sad, all the negative things will flow in my mind.. I just don’t know why.. I heard some kind of brain wave from my friend.. This thing actually do exist, and it’s really works if u really believe in something.. I had test it and it success all the times.. Actually I know my own problems, it’s the experience and what I had seen influence me a lot. Ya la it’s the fact but if u forget about it and enjoy it u will feel more happy and enjoy your life.. Hard times its just an experience in our life and we sure can go through it no matter how hard is it.. Thus take it easy and be happy and u will be more healthy too..

True is fake...

Fake or true? U cant tell anymore as long as there someone that expert in pretending..
Lately I’m dealing a lot with these facts.. Actually I deal with it a lot.. I’m tired of finding out the truth.. cz the truth is always fake and cruel.. It’s now an auto set to my mind that all is just a fake.. lately I got family crisis to handle.. My sister is planning to divorce and going to sue her husband for abusing her.. she thought she found her everything when she met that guy.. According to my sister, the man treat her nice before marry.. but the truth reveal after a year after their marriage.. he humiliates, beat, scold my sister and yet treat her like an animal.. she was married for three years but she never get a penny from that guy.. Even when they have 2 kids.. For me, my sister is an almost prefect woman.. she has everything the so called whole package.. she got the nice sweet face and body, she is a caring woman that’s make her a very good nurse.. Everybody in the hospital like her as her personalities feel comfortable to be with. She is a good cooker too. Besides that .. she is a very good daughter. Well compare to me.. .. Sigh. Thus these make me felt no confidence to get a true love.. I met one guy that very in love with her dream girl, although rejected but he still very in love with her.. although he deny that but I know deep inside his heart this is not true.. but I felt weird that we are really close as the times goes by.. Everybody thought we are the couple.. The most weird things is i think I have a bit feelings for this guy and I know he has the same feeling for me as well.. but I’m not really sure that this is the true feeling or just an illusion.. May be he is lonely and I was there every time when he need someone.. But I know I just want to be good friends with him.. Because the truth will destroy all the wonderful things.. I don’t want any of us heart broken in the end.. He is nice and good but I know that I not worth it, he should get a better girl instead of an idiot.. I was very naïve to think that I’m finally met the right one.. As the truth is I was just the replacement of the girl of his heart.. I’m negative thinking? Well this is the truth..

Lately~

Its been a while since the last blog.. I guess I have to write something in order to mental therapy myself.. So this is the real world.. I think im just too naïve and weak. But I do know my weaknesses and I try hard to change... I want to be an independent and strong woman... I guess it’s just harder than I thought... When I want to fix something out but it seem to be messing up with me... Is it im not concentrate enough? Or I have to fix my brain.. Im stress and felt tired.. But compare to my sister this is nothing.. Im really weaker than her.. Well actually I wanna work things out, but finally I screw up everything.. Im feeling really guilty and keep asking myself why I cant just do it in the proper way.. May be this causes the headache.. I often had headache.. that cause the anger and I cant use my brain in that condition.. Am I sick ? Or Im just giving myself excuse? I’m always sick.. Do I still need another holiday.. Is it I’m trying to run away from the reality? In another way of saying that I’m really weak.. I cant even defend myself and I’m feeling scare when come to deal with something big.. I’m lack of confidence due to the mess that I always did.. Am I not trying hard enough? How much longer I can stand.. I not tough but wanna pretend to be one.. Or shall I pray more? I need more luck than I thought…

my daughter

my lovely daughter.. a daughter of me and kelvin.. the second guy that i love so much in my life.. and give me so much pain and fear before break up.. although he was suck but he was a caring person..he left me nothing but this daughter .. its remind me of when he kiss our daughter and he hug her like he hug me .. thus i tried to abandon her.. but couldn't.. when i saw her its remind me of u .. but now better d .. thus i decided to keep her instead of dump her or keep her inside my cupboard..i notice that i shouldn't run away from my problems.. i should face it ... that will make myself happier too..