Lately~

Its been a while since the last blog.. I guess I have to write something in order to mental therapy myself.. So this is the real world.. I think im just too naïve and weak. But I do know my weaknesses and I try hard to change... I want to be an independent and strong woman... I guess it’s just harder than I thought... When I want to fix something out but it seem to be messing up with me... Is it im not concentrate enough? Or I have to fix my brain.. Im stress and felt tired.. But compare to my sister this is nothing.. Im really weaker than her.. Well actually I wanna work things out, but finally I screw up everything.. Im feeling really guilty and keep asking myself why I cant just do it in the proper way.. May be this causes the headache.. I often had headache.. that cause the anger and I cant use my brain in that condition.. Am I sick ? Or Im just giving myself excuse? I’m always sick.. Do I still need another holiday.. Is it I’m trying to run away from the reality? In another way of saying that I’m really weak.. I cant even defend myself and I’m feeling scare when come to deal with something big.. I’m lack of confidence due to the mess that I always did.. Am I not trying hard enough? How much longer I can stand.. I not tough but wanna pretend to be one.. Or shall I pray more? I need more luck than I thought…