True is fake...

Fake or true? U cant tell anymore as long as there someone that expert in pretending..
Lately I’m dealing a lot with these facts.. Actually I deal with it a lot.. I’m tired of finding out the truth.. cz the truth is always fake and cruel.. It’s now an auto set to my mind that all is just a fake.. lately I got family crisis to handle.. My sister is planning to divorce and going to sue her husband for abusing her.. she thought she found her everything when she met that guy.. According to my sister, the man treat her nice before marry.. but the truth reveal after a year after their marriage.. he humiliates, beat, scold my sister and yet treat her like an animal.. she was married for three years but she never get a penny from that guy.. Even when they have 2 kids.. For me, my sister is an almost prefect woman.. she has everything the so called whole package.. she got the nice sweet face and body, she is a caring woman that’s make her a very good nurse.. Everybody in the hospital like her as her personalities feel comfortable to be with. She is a good cooker too. Besides that .. she is a very good daughter. Well compare to me.. .. Sigh. Thus these make me felt no confidence to get a true love.. I met one guy that very in love with her dream girl, although rejected but he still very in love with her.. although he deny that but I know deep inside his heart this is not true.. but I felt weird that we are really close as the times goes by.. Everybody thought we are the couple.. The most weird things is i think I have a bit feelings for this guy and I know he has the same feeling for me as well.. but I’m not really sure that this is the true feeling or just an illusion.. May be he is lonely and I was there every time when he need someone.. But I know I just want to be good friends with him.. Because the truth will destroy all the wonderful things.. I don’t want any of us heart broken in the end.. He is nice and good but I know that I not worth it, he should get a better girl instead of an idiot.. I was very naïve to think that I’m finally met the right one.. As the truth is I was just the replacement of the girl of his heart.. I’m negative thinking? Well this is the truth..

Lately~

Its been a while since the last blog.. I guess I have to write something in order to mental therapy myself.. So this is the real world.. I think im just too naïve and weak. But I do know my weaknesses and I try hard to change... I want to be an independent and strong woman... I guess it’s just harder than I thought... When I want to fix something out but it seem to be messing up with me... Is it im not concentrate enough? Or I have to fix my brain.. Im stress and felt tired.. But compare to my sister this is nothing.. Im really weaker than her.. Well actually I wanna work things out, but finally I screw up everything.. Im feeling really guilty and keep asking myself why I cant just do it in the proper way.. May be this causes the headache.. I often had headache.. that cause the anger and I cant use my brain in that condition.. Am I sick ? Or Im just giving myself excuse? I’m always sick.. Do I still need another holiday.. Is it I’m trying to run away from the reality? In another way of saying that I’m really weak.. I cant even defend myself and I’m feeling scare when come to deal with something big.. I’m lack of confidence due to the mess that I always did.. Am I not trying hard enough? How much longer I can stand.. I not tough but wanna pretend to be one.. Or shall I pray more? I need more luck than I thought…